Wouldn't it be nice if there were locked-in moods? Kind of like interest rates? You know, if you could lock in a mood where you've just buried some major demons, come to terms with battles, set to rest worries, and are just happy with your life? Content with what God has given you? Joyful, in fact, in what God has blessed you with??
It would be nice if you could lock that in because I feel like just a week ago (exactly, I think) I felt just that way. And in just one night, I somehow let it all get turned around again. I'd been doing so well. I don't know what happened.
Well, things happened, I guess I just don't know why I'm letting them bother me now. What's different about tonight from last week? That's what I'm trying to figure out...so I can fix it. Fix may not be the best term. The way I see it, all the blessings I had that brought contentment along with are still here. No matter how I choose to look at things, it doesn't change the fact that I am incredibly blessed. I have more than enough to be content. Which is why I'm kicking myself for being where I am now.
I think one thing is I'm looking for strength in the wrong place. Lately, anyway. I've been looking for it in people. That's one of the reasons, I think, that I've let my mood be swayed, is because I've been letting people get to me. Normally that isn't a problem for me. Externally, anyway. If someone is bothering me I don't usually do anything about it externally (which can be a problem in and of itself), and internalize it. The thing is, last week, I wasn't even internalizing it! I wasn't putting my hope in man...I was putting it on God, which is where it needs to stay.
However, God puts people in our lives to help with hardships, right? But that doesn't mean they should become a distraction in where my eyes and heart should be focused at all times. I just need to remind myself of that every once and a while;). If you see me in the near future, you can remind me, too:). "Why so downcast, oh my soul? Put your hope in God!" Basically, I have no reason to be downcast, even though I am. And I know I can't force myself out of it by telling myself I shouldn't be. I need to thank God for the amazing people he has placed in my life, and not give up on the ones that I'm struggling with. Not dwell on what might not be going the way I want it to (but pray about it), and concentrate on the countless things that I do have, yet don't deserve. Count my blessings! God really is good.
Now I have to go write some dialogue...fare thee well!